Chicago Bears Wives and Girlfriends (WAGS)

09/16/14

Jay Cutler's Wife Kristin Cavallari Cutler

 

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There's really quite a lot to talk about with these two. Jay Cutler's wife Kristin Cutler was formerly Kristin Cavallari, a scripted-reality television star on both Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County and The Hills. Cutler is a quarterback and 126 million-dollar man who generally just has a cloud of shit follow him and his reputation around. Let's get to it...

First off, Jay Cutler's wife Kristin is known far and wide for being on those two shows (both of which seem like the absolute bottom of the barrel of reality television). The whole thing is scripted and made up-- to the point where the love triangles, personas, and plotlines are all not actually real. There was a skit that Comedy Bang Bang did recently about this very subject: the unreality of reality television. In this segment called "Date-zaster," they set up a blind date to go terribly wrong, but they overproduce it to the point where it actually becomes a traditional television comedy (featuring Weird Al Yankovic). This skit/segment is exactly what Jay's wife Kristin Cutler was talking about when she revealed how fake her old show The Hills was. It may be absolute trash, but it's sort of keen production. Her producers would actually text them lines. I'm sure I would loathe watching it, but hey-- it got ratings.

Now then, on to Kristin's husband for a moment. David Fleming wrote a nice piece for ESPN saying this of Jay Cutler:

You might think, in a season opener at home against the bottom-feeding Bills, that a newly minted, $126 million, franchise quarterback with a single career playoff win who has had an entire franchise ripped apart and rebuilt to his exact specifications would, maybe, be to blame for throwing two picks that led to 10 easy points for Buffalo in a shocking 23-20 overtime loss. And, like I said, you'd be wrong. Nothing is ever Blameless Jay's fault.

Ouch! Seriously. Double-ouch. And aside from whatever you've read and heard about this guy, there was also the ever-so-shitty way he got engaged to his wife Kristin Cutler back when she was Kristin Cavallari. According to her, he casually asked if they should get married while in an airport, and she said she thought that'd be cool. Then, she got the ring in the mail, and she said she waited a few weeks before she put it on. This is all came after they broke up for a few months. I find it all pretty fascinating. Part of me wonders what hanging out with these people would be like. They sort of both seem horrible and yet strangely compelling.

08/02/14

Alshon Jeffery's Girlfriend Ari Washington

 

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Alshon Jeffery's girlfriend Ari Washington is a newly minted fiancee. The couple have announced their engagement as of right now. The plan is to get hitched right after this upcoming season ends. Of course, the obligatory pseudo-spiritual/seance engagement photos have been taken, and one such photo can be seen on terezowens.com. The photo is Alshon and Ari standing on grass, a pleasantly green wooded area in the background, and they are touching their foreheads together and smiling. Just once I want to see an engagement photo where one of the people in the couple stands over the other in the hunter's trophy stance.

Alshon's girlfriend Ari also seems to be something of an entrepreneur. She's not an "internet model," which is a moniker meaning someone self-obsessed enough to take pictures of themselves every few hours and also lazy enough not to get a job. Ari started a public relations firm called Double Coverage PR Group. The firm seems fairly legit-- with professional athletes like Darqueze Dennard and Taijuan Walker amongst its clientele. I don't completely understand why an athlete would need a PR representative if they already have an agent, but according to Double Coverage their "focus is on event planning, crisis communications & management, public affairs, charity/foundation ventures, public appearances and media relations."

So does that just mean Ari advises the athlete on how to act and what to say in public? Wouldn't it be hilarious if Ari's firm was tailored for only the dumbest athletes in existence? "Crisis communications & management" sounds like something you'd need if you brought a gun to a dance club and accidentally shot yourself. In that instance, I'm guessing Ari's expert advice would be to go to a hospital and then go to jail. "But in the future, I advise you to not to bring guns to dance clubs."

Alshon Jeffery himself has proved a solid performer. Last year he racked up 7 touchdowns with 1421 yards and a 16.0 yard average receiving and only a few fumbles. He was a Pro Bowler and a lot of people picked him as the most improved player. Alshon Jeffery doesn't even need advisement from his girlfriend Ari Washington on how to wave to fans, sign footballs, or answer media inquiries. "Okay, so these nice men are going to ask you some questions about the game. They're not here to tackle you. They're sort of like fans. After they ask you a question, all you've got to do is form words into this here mi-cro-phone."

12/10/13 (Updated)

Josh McCown's wife Natalie McCown

 

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Josh McCown is making a lot of Bears fans question Jay Cutler. While he's building support within the Soldier Field faithful, Josh McCown's wife Natalie McCown has had his back for the better part of the last decade.

Josh and Natalie McCown met at college while Josh was attending Southern Methodist University (before he later transferred to Sam Houston State). As a strange way of showing how old McCown is for a starting quarterback in the NFL, Josh and Natalie McCown first began dating in the prior century (hell millennium for that matter). The couple has four children together: daughters Bridget and Aubrey, and sons Aiden and Owen.

There's not much information about Natalie McCown, but one might expect she has her hands full with four kids. Josh McCown will look to continue his recent string of successful starts while Jay Cutler mends. A lot of Bears fans may wind up clamoring for more McCown once he's back. It will be interesting to see if this recent run can translate to a longer run with the Bears, but fans can certainly enjoy the ride while he's taking it. McCown and his favorite target Alshon Jeffery look to continue their luck tonight on Monday Night Football against the Cowboys.