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Gentlemen, start your spray tans! This whole airing of cheating grievances is becoming a new thing. The term "spraytan" is also becoming a little catchy term for a cheating wife or girlfriend, and it was the contact name that Brennan Clay's wife Gina D'Agostini saved DeMarco Murray's phone number under so Brennan wouldn't know about them. Now, Joseph Fauria's girlfriend Erika Ann Hammond has allegedly been accused by Fauria of spraytanning him. Nobody likes a fake tan, especially pro football players.
The man allegedly accused by Joseph of cheating with Erika is Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson. Only a few days ago, Fauria's girlfriend Erika posted one of those cutesy-tootsy photos of them with her dog saying how thankful she is to have "these men in my life." Apparently she really meant it! The dog has nothing to do with it, I guess? Well, we don't really know the story completely, as Joseph tweeted this: "Hey (Russell Wilson) enjoy her (Erika Hammond). She had me thinking she was a loyal girlfriend. I almost feel you, (Brennan Clay)" and then he hash-tagged it with "spraytan." This really looks like he found out that she was throwing the 'ole football around with Mr. Wilson, but this story really hasn't shown itself the way Brennan Clay's did. Clay himself posted a sext exchange recently between Murray and D'Agostini, and it really looks convincing. This situation, on the other hand, could mean anything.
Joseph deleted the tweet immediately after he posted it, so maybe he didn't mean it? Or maybe he was drunk and had no idea what he was talking about? The more one thinks about it, the more curious one becomes. Anyway, the idea that NFL players are now airing all their private relationship details is pretty odd. Is the NFL going to become a social media soap opera in the future? That'd be entertaining, but it'd also be embarrassing.
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Stephen Tulloch's girlfriend Vanessa Alleyne has helps him present special charity events and generally just gives the big guy props. She's originally from Florida and recently celebrated her 10 year high school reunion. I know this because I have seen both her high school picture and the invitation and description for the reunion, which was held at the Hard Rock Cafe and some other night club in the Tampa area.
Tulloch's girlfriend Vanessa went to a pretty classy high school; that I can tell you. Any time you get a chance to be shaded from the eighty-degree February sun by palm trees, you have arrived in classyville. I've looked at countless pictures of her graduating class. All of the fake gang signs and overworked gelled hair and "thug life crew" cliques have been scanned by my glassy eyes, and Vanessa is very hard to find in these faded memories. The "where are they now" section of the reunion site does not comment on her current status as Stephen Tulloch's hot girlfriend, but I'm sure 80% of the chicks she went to school with would be at least a little envious. I looked at a lot of prom pictures that her class kept, and man oh man some of those girls wore some scandalous dresses.
Enough about Vanessa's class of skimpily-clad graduates. She thinks about most of them as much as Stephen Tulloch thinks about his high school competitors, which is to say not much at all. Speaking of Vanessa's man, I recently watched a compilation of his high school highlights, and good lord was he ferocious. You can imagine what an NFL linebacker whose been named one of the top 100 players in the league would be like to play against in high school. Not very fun. Anyway, Tulloch's girlfriend has attended a few of his charity events and is generally just looking sexy as can be.
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Scott Mitchell's wife Kim Nifong Mitchell is about to sit at home and watch him suffer on the television. Rather, she'll eventually get to watch him suffer on the television, as the show may have already been pre-taped and is set to air soon. I'm talking about The Biggest Loser, a program where morbidly obese, lazy, and intermittently neurotic caterpillars are transformed into skinny, hyperactive, and often compulsive butterflies. One of the competitors Scott will face is another huge fat guy who used to break bones in the NFL-- Damien Woody. You can read about him and his wife Nicole Woody.
So what about this lady, Scott's wife Kim? Well, for starters, she's been uber-religious her whole life, and when she met Scott way back in the 80's while they were both attending the University of Utah, he was what's known as a stud. Naturally, she started getting roped into Mormonism by Scott, who showed her this movie called "The First Vision." Now, I have watched snippets of the film on YouTube, and let me tell you-- it sucks. It's got this kid who walks around fields and forests and has hallucinations. Today, those people are generally diagnosed as schizophrenics and receive medication to aid their malady. Back in the days of yore, however, they were occasionally diagnosed as prophets who got to found their own organized religion.
Anyway, so Scott's wife Kim decides she's really digging the whole "temple garments" and planet Kolob deal (have fun googling those), and she decides she's going to convert to Mormonism. And for a long time after that, life is smooth sailing. Scott gets to baptize her, which I'm assuming involves pouring a vat of pudding on her elbows and heels because, you know, it's Mormonism. They live a pretty nice life while Scott has a marginal but long-lasting 10 years as a pro quarterback. His best year was in 1995, when he started all 16 games for the Detroit Lions, threw 32 touchdowns, and had a 92 rating. Coincidentally, Barry Sanders had an off year, averaging only 94 yards per game.
Flash forward to now. Mitchell's wife Kim has to face the hard reality of an aging, overweight, "bill collector," as he termed it on The Biggest Loser website. I suppose I'm framing this in a rather polarizing way, but sometimes it feels good to get nostalgic and remember those awesome late 80's days filled with perms, pop music montages in movies, and a whole lot of abstinence.