Detroit Tigers Wives and Girlfriends (WAGS)

07/22/15

JD Martinez's girlfriend Ariana Aubert


JD Martinez's girlfriend Ariana Aubert's free time appears to mainly consist of traveling and enjoying television programs, from what we can tell. She's a big fan of The Walking Dead, she likes going to tropical settings, and she's no stranger to the beach. Back in 2012 she even went skydiving. Actually, let's be real - that's a pretty great list of stuff to be into.

Not having kids yet means Ariana can really get out there and enjoy JD's games without too much fuss. When JD isn't playing, they often go somewhere exciting like they did in 2013 when they made a trip to Vegas (I consider Las Vegas exciting). She always joins him for spring training too. At one time Ariana was actually a cheerleader for the Miami Dolphins, but right around the time she got serious with JD, she up and left. Before leaving the cheer game, JD Martinez's girlfriend used to compete in "cheerleader showdowns" for fun. That's when the cheerleaders on a team have people vote which one is prettier. They all get beach shots taken of themselves and fans vote who is the hottest one.

Back in 2012, Ariana attended the Red Bull Flugtag competition, which is a pretty cool thing where people make flying or gliding machines that have to run or wheel off of a man-made cliff into the water. It's pretty entertaining because mostly you're just watching silly contraptions take nosedives straight down. Back in 2012 Ariana was still going to school, but she'd just met JD. Her best friends were all cheerleaders, and she'd sometimes link to their modeling accounts. The world of professional cheerleaders is chock-full of models, as you can guess and JD Martinez's girlfriend Ariana Aubert is one of those girls. Not for lack of talent, but it doesn't appear she chased down the modeling career no matter how gorgeous she is. Since she barely ever updates her Social Media, the last we heard from her she was visiting the Mall of America in Minnesota, probably following JD on a stretch of away games.

09/28/14

Rajai Davis' Wife Marissa Davis


Rajai Davis' wife Marissa Davis had her first child with Rajai about one year ago in September of 2013, which means the couple recently celebrated the kid's first birthday. Generally this entails very little other than an infant making a mess and acting infantile. So yeah, the birthday bash was likely not very glamorous.

I really like that Rajai Davis led the league in "caught stealing" a few years back. I mean, it shows character. The man likes to take chances, and hey, that year he just happened to get thrown out 13 times. No biggy; he still stole 46 bases. His wife Marissa is less ambitious, from what I can tell. I've had a thorough look through her Pinterest wall (which can give you surprising insights into a person's interests and hobbies). As you might imagine, it's pretty damn boring. Lots of little cutesy baby things, interior decoration ideas, shopping ideas (apparently Marissa just really loves spending money that Mr. Davis earns). The most eye-catching thing that she has saved is a graphic illustrating a baby popping out of a woman, and then an explanation saying "A human body can bear only up to 45 del (unit) of pain. Yet at time of giving birth, a mother feels up to 57 del (unit) of pain. This is similar to 20 bones getting fractured at a time." First off, the unit is called the "dol," secondly, the grammar of Marissa's chosen pregnancy graphic is bad, and thirdly it's obviously not true that a human body can only bear up to 45 dols of pain if they go beyond that during the birthing process. To be honest, the whole thing creeped me out. I mean, Marissa's got this gross scientific diagram saved of a baby exiting a woman's kid tube. Nobody made you have the baby, Marissa!

Anyway, Rajai and his wife Marissa will most certainly have a well-furnished and decorated home, because she's spending an inordinate amount of time saving websites to help her with that task.

06/20/14

Brad Ausmus' Wife Liz Ausmus


Brad Ausmus' wife Liz Ausmus is standing by her man in these transitional times as he attempts to launch his stand-up comedy career. It's been rough going because Brad is also managing a professional baseball team on the side, and coming up with new material to try out in front of sports reporters is brutally difficult. Part of the difficulty in becoming a stand-up comedian is talking about sensitive topics in a way that is genuinely funny, and Ausmus has thus far not found his groove. He has, however, been making in-roads with other more successful comics-- networking, hanging out, taking notes, but generally speaking it's been quite the uphill battle. Ausmus knows Adam Sandler is not going to come along and ask him to be his personal assistant and joke-writer. Though he's not quite been able to elevate his game and get booked in a high-brow club like LA's Comedy Store, there have been signs of improvement. The set he delivered on 6/18, though poorly written, did manage to squeek out a few sympathetic laughs. Uncomfortable and strained as some of them were, they were the first laughs he's managed to wrench out of the audience since making the decision to try and go pro.

"I don't know if this one's gonna fly, Lizzy," Brad told his wife as he rehearsed for the show that night, "It seems a bit insensitive towards battered women."

"No, no, I'm telling you, hunny, it's gonna be great!" Liz reassured her husband. She knew he was searching for that stage confidence that had thus far proved elusive. She recalled the last open-mic where he had reverted back to simply droning on about baseball, and she shuddered at the memory of the deathly silence in the room. Why did her husband always get the stiffest audiences? She tried to remember a time when she'd even seen one of them having a drink while he was fumbling through his set.

Brad is a believer in the sage words of Kobe Bryant, which I will now recite to you: "You miss 100% of the bowling pins that you don't try and knock down...with your basketball." What Ausmus takes it to mean is you've got to try out a joke to know if it's a home run or a strikeout.