Atlanta Braves Wives and Girlfriends (WAGS)

06/03/15

John Smoltz's wife Kathryn Smoltz


John Smoltz's wife Kathryn Smoltz is the second he's taken, and he's the second husband she's taken. The two got to both enjoy his first and last induction into the hall of fame in February of this year. Kathryn was present and probably felt pretty cool watching her new husband become a hall-of-famer. I guess 3084 strikeouts, 213 wins, and 150 saves will do that for you.

Smoltz and Kathryn have six kids (four from his 16-year marriage that ended in 2007 and two from her marriage). So if you're really interested in Johnny's private life and his thoughts on divorce and marriage, you can read his book. In the book, he says, "I found myself in a circumstance I deeply regretted, and one that I honestly never thought I would contribute to: the staggering statistics of divorce in professional sports.​" Well put, Smoltzy-- the guy's apparently got the power to turn a phrase. John Smoltz's wife Kathryn Smoltz met him on a blind date at some taco restaurant after John committed himself to stay out of any romantic entanglements for a year so that he could self-assess. He calls Kathryn a "miracle from God."

Kathryn married John in 2009 and ever since then they've been living with 5 girls in the household. I imagine being surrounded by men your whole life playing baseball and then coming home to a wife and 5 girls is weird, but John Smoltz's wife really only started her relationship at the tail end of John's baseball career, so they are both around to take care of the kids. John's oldest son is around 20 years old, so their girls will soon all be headed to college (one would assume). ​I would bet this marriage lasts a good long while since both have learned a lot and are pretty religious and serious about maintaining vows and whatnot.

09/16/14 (Updated)

John Rocker's Girlfriend Julie McGee


John Rocker's girlfriend Julie McGee is a spray-tan business owner and future Survivor contestant. That's a lot of living right there. First of all, owning a spray-tan business is sort of like the Sopranos equivalent of "going straight." You're not committing any crimes, but your level of greasiness and low-brow practices continues unabated. Spraying on a tan is sort of baffling to me because it's very easily spotted and rarely improves one's looks. Let me be clear: I'm officially declaring war on the spray-on tan.

Now for this business of The Survivor Blood Vs. Water. Instead of classic single player competitive Surviving, we have couples vying for the million bucks. I don't know Julie, but the fact that she's dating Rocker means she's probably not very nice. Sorry, but I feel comfortable jumping to conclusions on this one. Rocker, though unapologetic, is an ignorant hick. The only thing attractive about the man are his big muscles and self-sure confidence. Confident jerks are the worst kind because their narcissism won't allow them to be dissuaded or even listen to reason. I'm really hoping Rocker and his girlfriend Julie "Faux Tan" McGee fail hard on Survivor. His comment on New York City (where I live) give me all sorts of license to hate him. His head is also too small for his body.

Enough stooping to the Rocker level. Let's talk a bit more about Rocker's girlfriend Julie McGee and her company. So the actual name of the business is True Glow Mobile Spray Tanning. There's a section on her site called "Face The Truth" in which she spews some facts about tanning beds and why they're a waste a time and unhealthy. I agree with her. I would've tacked on a paragraph about spray-tans being the ultimate waste of time, and that surely would not have jived with Her Royal Sprayness.

07/20/14

Tom Glavine's Wife Christine Glavine


Tom Glavine's wife Christine Glavine is bummed that he never pursued his professional hockey career. Allow me to explain: Tom was actually drafted by the Los Angeles Kings back in 1984. If you don't believe me, check here. If you go on Christine's Twitter site, you'll notice that she's an absolutely rabid Bruins fan. In particular, she's an obsessive Patrice Bergeron fan. So basically all this baseball stuff is fine, but I'm thinking Christine would have much preferred Tom play for the Bruins. He probably would've been okay. They still would have had a son named Peyton, who probably isn't named after any hockey player or baseball player.

Tom's from the same place my mom is from-- historic Concord Massachusetts. He grew up in Billerica, which is a few towns over. He was Merrimack Valley's MVP in hockey, and he was also pretty solid in baseball, winning the Division 1 North Title. Must be pretty awesome to be that talented in two sports. The chicks must've been all over the kid. So he got drafted into the NHL (Wikipedia points out he was drafted ahead of Brett Hull and Luc Robitaille) and also drafted into the Majors by the Braves. Like Maddux, he played on a few minor league clubs, and he was honestly not that great. His last season before getting called up to the Majors, he was 6-12. He then had two pretty poor years for the Braves, going 2-4 with 9 starts and then 7-17 with 34 starts. One can only imagine he and Maddux were working together trying to figure out how to survive in the big leagues. He finally turned it around his third year and went 14-8. A few years later, the guy is going 20-11, 20-8, 22-6 and winning Cy Young awards. Tom spent 17 seasons on the Braves, so of course he's going to wear a Braves cap on his hall of fame plaque.

Christine made a joke on her Twitter page about how stoic Glavine was when he received the call about his induction into the hall of fame. She said "the call, stoic, but you know that about him." It's exactly the same face he'd have on the mound. That is to say Glavine was a cool customer, never getting emotional and staying calm. That's how you get 305 wins, I guess.