Atlanta Braves Wives and Girlfriends (WAGS)

09/16/14 (Updated)

John Rocker's Girlfriend Julie McGee

John Rocker's girlfriend Julie McGee is a spray-tan business owner and future Survivor contestant. That's a lot of living right there. First of all, owning a spray-tan business is sort of like the Sopranos equivalent of "going straight." You're not committing any crimes, but your level of greasiness and low-brow practices continues unabated. Spraying on a tan is sort of baffling to me because it's very easily spotted and rarely improves one's looks. Let me be clear: I'm officially declaring war on the spray-on tan.

Now for this business of The Survivor Blood Vs. Water. Instead of classic single player competitive Surviving, we have couples vying for the million bucks. I don't know Julie, but the fact that she's dating Rocker means she's probably not very nice. Sorry, but I feel comfortable jumping to conclusions on this one. Rocker, though unapologetic, is an ignorant hick. The only thing attractive about the man are his big muscles and self-sure confidence. Confident jerks are the worst kind because their narcissism won't allow them to be dissuaded or even listen to reason. I'm really hoping Rocker and his girlfriend Julie "Faux Tan" McGee fail hard on Survivor. His comment on New York City (where I live) give me all sorts of license to hate him. His head is also too small for his body.

Enough stooping to the Rocker level. Let's talk a bit more about Rocker's girlfriend Julie McGee and her company. So the actual name of the business is True Glow Mobile Spray Tanning. There's a section on her site called "Face The Truth" in which she spews some facts about tanning beds and why they're a waste a time and unhealthy. I agree with her. I would've tacked on a paragraph about spray-tans being the ultimate waste of time, and that surely would not have jived with Her Royal Sprayness.


Tom Glavine's Wife Christine Glavine

Tom Glavine's wife Christine Glavine is bummed that he never pursued his professional hockey career. Allow me to explain: Tom was actually drafted by the Los Angeles Kings back in 1984. If you don't believe me, check here. If you go on Christine's Twitter site, you'll notice that she's an absolutely rabid Bruins fan. In particular, she's an obsessive Patrice Bergeron fan. So basically all this baseball stuff is fine, but I'm thinking Christine would have much preferred Tom play for the Bruins. He probably would've been okay. They still would have had a son named Peyton, who probably isn't named after any hockey player or baseball player.

Tom's from the same place my mom is from-- historic Concord Massachusetts. He grew up in Billerica, which is a few towns over. He was Merrimack Valley's MVP in hockey, and he was also pretty solid in baseball, winning the Division 1 North Title. Must be pretty awesome to be that talented in two sports. The chicks must've been all over the kid. So he got drafted into the NHL (Wikipedia points out he was drafted ahead of Brett Hull and Luc Robitaille) and also drafted into the Majors by the Braves. Like Maddux, he played on a few minor league clubs, and he was honestly not that great. His last season before getting called up to the Majors, he was 6-12. He then had two pretty poor years for the Braves, going 2-4 with 9 starts and then 7-17 with 34 starts. One can only imagine he and Maddux were working together trying to figure out how to survive in the big leagues. He finally turned it around his third year and went 14-8. A few years later, the guy is going 20-11, 20-8, 22-6 and winning Cy Young awards. Tom spent 17 seasons on the Braves, so of course he's going to wear a Braves cap on his hall of fame plaque.

Christine made a joke on her Twitter page about how stoic Glavine was when he received the call about his induction into the hall of fame. She said "the call, stoic, but you know that about him." It's exactly the same face he'd have on the mound. That is to say Glavine was a cool customer, never getting emotional and staying calm. That's how you get 305 wins, I guess.


Greg Maddux's Wife Kathy Maddux

Greg Maddux's wife Kathy Maddux may have turned the tide for his hall of fame logo selection. The legendary pitcher will go without a logo on his cap for his plaque when he's inducted into the Hall. In his explanation, he states that Kathy and himself "grew up in baseball in Chicago," which at first I thought meant that his wife was from Chicago, but it turns out his wife is from Fabulous Las Vegas.

Greg himself moved to Las Vegas in 1978. He met Kathy there in high school, and the two started dating. They got married in 1989, following his drafting in the second round in 1984. So this kind of explains "grew up in baseball in Chicago." It's not that they're from Chicago, but it's more like they dug their heels in there. After all, it wasn't until 1986 that he got his first start on the Cubs, after proving himself in the minors on teams like Pikefield, Peoria, Pittsfield, and Iowa. Things didn't go well. He was the youngest player in the National Leage, and went 2-4 with 5 starts that season. His second season he went 6-14 with 27 starts. Ouch. Then, in 1988 he was getting paid $82,500 dollars and managed to break out with an 18-8 record, making the all-star team. Then began his very long and massively successful era of dominance.

I mean, Maddux is one of the top 5 greatest pitchers who ever lived. It's very hard to say he's not a top 5 pitcher. Look at his stats. He won 4 consecutive Cy Young Awards, and in that stretch of play was 75-29 with a 1.98 ERA. One year, he posted an ERA of 1.63 and went an astonishing 19-2. Yes, that's 19 wins and 2 losses, guys. That is absolutely nuts. You can go on and on about his accomplishments. The weird thing is the Atlanta Braves only won a single championship in all the time they had their monstrously talented squad assembled. The 1995 Braves: David Justice, Fred McGriff, Marquis Grissom, Chipper Jones, Ryan Klesko, Javy Lopez. Pitching lineup included John Smoltz, Tom Glavine, and Greg Maddux. Everyone was in their prime. How does that team not win every single year?