MLB Wives and Girlfriends (WAGS)


JP Howell's wife Heather Howell

JP Howell's wife Heather Howell is a beautiful blonde lady who used to be a competitive track athlete for USC before she destroyed her body by jumping into Lake Tahoe after finishing a training run in the Sierra Nevadas. First off, when I read about this story at, I was struck by the use of the phrase "traditional celebratory cliff-leap." Okay, I get that a lot of people jump 50 feet down into the lake, but if there's a chance that you can suffer compression fractures to your neck and back as Heather did, maybe they should cut that tradition? At least put a sign up next to the cliff that says "Warning: Extreme Trauma to Neck and Back Possible."

Well, JP Howell's wife Heather Howell apparently rehabilitated herself through fourteen grueling years, and now she's a successful children's author. She wrote a book called "Dangles" about a monkey. That's all that I know, and I don't think I'll be heading over to Amazon to read the summary of Dangles, sorry folks [Editor's note: Kids love fun names, and Dangles jumps to the top of that list.... I just bought it for my son. Carry on, author.] Other than having written about Dangles the monkey, Heather actually had a long career as a television sports reporter for FOX, and I watched a Youtube compilation of her doing her thing. Those Youtube compilation of hot broadcasters always kind of creeps me out because first of all who tapes news broadcasts? I'll just pretend the station put it together and not some person sitting at home with a Heather Howell shrine [Editor's note 2: Dude, they all have tapes to send out for future jobs.... I promise on the up and up].

Heather travels around a lot to watch JP at games, and when she's not at the games, she's at home watching with her dog Rose. Heather actually has a website about how she overcame losing her running career. It's an inspirational website about how to find focus for your life, and it's got good production value. It also doubles as her fan website for JP, so I guess Heather sees one productive and positive path as "find a boyfriend in pro sports, marry him, and you've found a solid path." But let's not downplay that Heather was once herself an Olympic hopeful in the 800M.


Andrew Heaney's wife Jordan Heaney

Andrew Heaney's wife Jordan Heaney lists her home as Oklahoma City (so I already have empathy for her), and pile on top of that she's married to a guy who just got traded prematurely. Andrew is now on the Angels, and with the way he's dealing, the young couple may want to consider moving there for a long time to come. Andrew was born in Oklahoma City as well, so that explains why they both live there in the off-season.

Most of Jordan's activity online stems from Andrew's progress as a pitcher and what he's up to. Andrew Heaney's wife will also throw all kinds of little in-jokes his way as the season progresses. One such joke was a meme with Josh Hutcherson (from "The Hunger Games") looking drunk and off-kilter saying "I'd give you overcooked bread drenched in water and covered in dirt" with a to and a from on it. It was her Valentine's Day tweet to her husband. Jordan is also really into Women's Humor, retweeting "I'm flexible as long as everything is exactly the way I want it." A whole lot of retweeting activity comes from that particular account.

Jordan's brother Kelly is autistic and was featured in an article in The Oklahoman. Kelly refers to Andrew as his brother and calls him "the best brother ever" while he puts his arm around Andrew. It's a sweet gesture. Jordan Heaney was formerly Jordan Ore (cool name) and started dating him after their junior year in high school. Apparently Andrew met Jordan's brother a few months into their relationship, and the two of them became good friends. Andrew said of Jordan's brother, "I'd always kind of mess around with him, put him in choke holds. Then he got too big, and he started beating me up." Of course Andrew becoming a big-brother type of friend with her brother sealed the deal for their relationship, and you can tell Andrew's got a big heart.


Dallas Keuchel's girlfriend Mackenzie Valk

Dallas Keuchel's girlfriend Mackenzie Valk works for a business called Golden Sport Collectibles that specializes in 24 karat gold baseballs that are usually signed by well-known baseball players. The business is also sponsored or owned by Rawlings, whose name is displayed prominently at the top of their logo. I'm not sure exactly who started the business, but with a spokesperson like Mackenzie Valk, they could do alright in the Houston area.

Mackenzie herself released a short video promoting one of the baseballs signed by Christian Yelich. Dallas Keuchel's girlfriend appears to be as sweet as can be and says something to the effect of "If you like gold baseballs follow Golden Sport Collectibles, and if you like blondes who like baseball, follow me." In this day of social media marketing, I guess you've gotta' put a little pep into your Twitter spots.

One of the most interesting things she posted was a picture of long panels of what appears to be strips of leather that have been painted gold. Now, this whole 24 karat baseball thing is sort of suspect to me, because it leads me to wonder if they are actually using gold dust to put on these baseballs. If they are, isn't that sort of a ridiculous use of gold? I mean, what if you need the gold back one day? How do you get it off of your goofy collectible baseball so that you can barter for food? Or do you just use the baseball itself as gold currency?

Mackenzie spends a lot of time at baseball games cheering on her boyfriend and the team in general. I sort of wonder if it's not a drag for some women to have to go to the games when their boyfriend is a pitcher and doesn't play most of the time. Like, I get that she's a fan, but that's a massive time commitment if you're hitting up most of the home games. Mackenzie spends a good deal of time in New York City as well, and it likely has to do with her job at Golden Sport Collectibles, but maybe she just has friends or family there. She'll often go there and say that she'd rather be in Houston cheering on Mr. Keuchel.