Soccer Wives and Girlfriends (WAGS)

05/28/15 (Updated)

Sepp Blatter's ex-wife Graziella Bianca and girlfriend Linda Barras

The FIFA President was able to stay married for two years, and that's better than a lot of athletes. Sepp Blatter's ​ex-wife Graziella Bianca was married to the guy from 2002 to 2004. Even back in 2002, the LA Times was talking about how Sepp was "jumping through hoops" to retain his status as FIFA President while "evading a calendar full of corruption charges," and the article wasn't even about that-- it was about his marriage to Graziella.

Graziella herself had a pretty damn cool job: dolphin trainer. Now come on, people, you know you've never met a dolphin trainer in your whole life. Yes, when I say dolphin trainer I am indeed talking about one of the people who jumps into the giant tank at Sea World and, you know, trains'em to do stuff and feeds them little fishies. Graziella was forty years-old at the time of the marriage, and she was a friend of Sepp's 39 year-old daughter Corrine. Graziella actually worked at a Swiss park called Conny Land, but she quit after 18 months because she didn't like how the animals were treated. She sounds like a sweet lady.

Of course, we are talking about Sepp Blatter here, so you know there's going to be some drama. Apparently there was a tornado of gossip going around that Sepp has a new girlfriend, and she's still married to some other guy. Sepp Blatter's girlfriend Linda Barras is a 49 year-old and friend of the niece of Sepp Blatter. A bunch of pictures were taken of the couple at some kind of Swiss Ballon d'Or Awards thing, and so the press asked Linda's husband about it. He responded, "I know nothing about this. I'm still married to Linda." My guess is they're separated, and she's turning over a new (err, other) leaf. So from Sepp Blatter's ex-wife Graziella Bianca to Sepp Blatter's girlfriend Linda Barras, he likes to get some age difference going, and who can blame him really? Blatter has actually been married three times and has a granddaughter named Serena. Graziella even said she was happy for Sepp that he found a new love.


03/19/15 (Updated)

Sydney Leroux's husband Don Dwyer

UPDATE 02/15/2015 After a private ceremony in January, Dom Dwyer is now Sydney LeRoux's husband.

The couple took to social media to announce the nuptials. Sydney took to Twitter, posting pictures of the couple with the following captions:

What do you do when you meet someone who has seen the best of you, the worst of you and chooses both?

You Marry Him.

LeRoux talked about their decision with People Magazine, saying: “Juggling our careers and relationship is very difficult, which is why we decided to wed privately in January. We wanted to announce our marriage at an appropriate time when we were together and at a time that suited our families. We also wanted to make sure that we told all of our close friends and teammates before we announced it publicly."

Congratulations to the happy couple.

Dom Dwyer is a lucky man. Being Sydney Leroux's boyfriend is an amazing feat, as the woman makes me stutter like Foghorn Leghorn. This is another one of those incredible couples that would probably make you feel like you're in the presence of super heroes if you were hanging out with them. Much more attractive and good-looking super heroes. They're both professional soccer players, they both look like movie stars, and they're both well-behaved and good-humored. You can't not like them. If you met them at a party or function or something, I promise you would like them.

Dom's girlfriend Sydney is an Olympic Gold medalist forward, and she's on the Seattle Reign but currently playing for the US Women's World Cup Team. When I saw pictures of her on the field, I thought she just looked like a normal woman playing soccer, but it's amazing how she transforms into movie star mode when she's off the field. Okay enough about her looks-- I actually also find her sense of humor is pretty sharp. I particularly liked her video of a dance party on a boat where she panned all around and then put the camera on herself with a sad face because she didn't have anyone to dance with. I also really enjoyed a picture she put up of a closeup of a couple in bed that said "I don't want their relationship. I want their eyebrows." She should talk to Leveon Bell's girlfriend Mercedes Dollson.

Dom Dwyer himself is shorter than I would have thought. He's 5'9" and not, you know, 6'1" or whatever the ideal height is. Other than that, it's hard to find flaws in the guy unless you happen to be Lionel Messi, in which case you would see a whole host of flaws in his soccer game that would probably go undetected by mere mortals such as myself. Dom plays for the MLS team Sporting Kansas City, and he scored the winning goal for his team to take the MLS Cup against Houston. Dwyer's girlfriend Sydney seems like a great match for him.

03/19/15 (Updated)

Mario Gotze's Girlfriend Ann Kathrin Brommel

Mario Gotze's girlfriend Ann Kathrin Brommel is very German and very hot. She's a model and professional social media photo uploader. She's also been known to hit the gym and pass on a cake or ten. Some of her shots look a little skeletal, but blame that on society. She's a lovely girl.

So who is Mario Gotze? He is the man that won the World Cup for Germany. His golden foot booted the winning goal at the 113th minute of the absolutely amazing match that was Argentina versus Germany. I watched the entire thing, and it was nail-biting and action-packed. Argentina had plenty of chances to score. The ball just didn't want to get in the net, and when it did get in the net it was very clearly an off-sides. I wish they had shown Putin's reactions to the close calls more though. I wonder if human emotions show through that botox blanket he calls a face.

Germany's march to victory also marked the end of the Klose era, a reign of goal-scoring that set the record for most goals all-time in the World Cup at 16. Having played in four World Cups is very rare. No one thinks that even the best players like Messi and Neymar will be able to play in four of them. The stars have got to align, and you've got to be extremely durable. Having started at the age of 20 in his first World Cup, Miroslave is now 36. A standing ovation for him as he walked off the field was sure to come from all the villages, towns, and cities in the Rhineland.

Gotze is widely regarded as one of the best players in Germany if not the world. He plays for Bayern Munich (one of the top teams in the Bundesliga) and has scored 10 goals in just 27 appearance for them. Prior to playing for Bayern, he played in 83 games for Borussia Dortmund and scored 22 goals.