Soccer Wives and Girlfriends (WAGS)

07/18/14
 

Mario Gotze's Girlfriend Ann Kathrin Brommel

 

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Mario Gotze's girlfriend Ann Kathrin Brommel is very German and very hot. She's a model and professional social media photo uploader. She's also been known to hit the gym and pass on a cake or ten. Some of her shots look a little skeletal, but blame that on society. She's a lovely girl.

So who is Mario Gotze? He is the man that won the World Cup for Germany. His golden foot booted the winning goal at the 113th minute of the absolutely amazing match that was Argentina versus Germany. I watched the entire thing, and it was nail-biting and action-packed. Argentina had plenty of chances to score. The ball just didn't want to get in the net, and when it did get in the net it was very clearly an off-sides. I wish they had shown Putin's reactions to the close calls more though. I wonder if human emotions show through that botox blanket he calls a face.

Germany's march to victory also marked the end of the Klose era, a reign of goal-scoring that set the record for most goals all-time in the World Cup at 16. Having played in four World Cups is very rare. No one thinks that even the best players like Messi and Neymar will be able to play in four of them. The stars have got to align, and you've got to be extremely durable. Having started at the age of 20 in his first World Cup, Miroslave is now 36. A standing ovation for him as he walked off the field was sure to come from all the villages, towns, and cities in the Rhineland.

Gotze is widely regarded as one of the best players in Germany if not the world. He plays for Bayern Munich (one of the top teams in the Bundesliga) and has scored 10 goals in just 27 appearance for them. Prior to playing for Bayern, he played in 83 games for Borussia Dortmund and scored 22 goals.

07/09/14
 

Tim Howard's Girlfriend Nora Segura

 

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Yes, we've covered two other ladies that Tim Howard has both been married to and dated, and this is our third. Timmy's got to feed the hunger, and what better time than right after setting the record for most shots stopped in a World Cup match? Tim Howard's girlfriend Nora Segura is a hot mod with a hot bod. What else do you need when you're a rockstar on vacation in Brazil, I ask? He's not looking for a soulmate. He's looking to live the life of Daniel-San in any of the Karate Kid movies. You go to a big tournament, you get a new hot babe, you catch flies with chopsticks. In Tim's case, he catches soccer balls with weird gloves.

Nora posts videos on her Twitter, and you can watch them yourself to get a sense of her. She's very sweet, but she's dreadfully boring on these videos as she doesn't have much to say. If this were some schmo talking on the videos, you'd turn it off in seconds, but since it's a really beautiful woman who keeps running her fingers through her Rapunzel-like hair, you keep watching. The running the fingers through the hair thing is a little weird too-- she never stops doing it, and it starts to look like a sick, compulsive habit. It's the kind of boring that is totally acceptable if you're waiting around to be swept off your feet by an athlete. In a June video, Nora tells us she's rooting for Spain because her dad's Spanish, in a January video, she shows us what's inside her fridge so we can be "naturally beautiful," and in another video she shares some tweets about things "you'd never want to hear." There's a few really disgusting vines she's added of her making out with her dog, but I suppose the point was to draw more attention to herself, and in that she succeeded because we're talking about her. I keep imagining what all these videos would be like if it were a 400-pound, balding, 55 year-old woman doing and saying the exact same things, but with the same melodious voice that Nora has. It'd be a trip.

I wonder if Tim watched any of these videos, and if so, what were his actual thoughts? Competitive athletes generally aren't known for their piercing insights, but it's a possibility Tim thought, "Okay, well she's certainly attractive, seems fairly sweet, definitely self-obsessed, not saying anything to capture my imagination, but her temperament appears agreeable, and I think I could get a date with her."

07/08/14
 

Hulk's Wife Iran Souza

 

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Hulk's wife Iran Souza is a lovely mother of two and the one in charge of keeping the mighty hulk from destroying the city of St. Petersburg. No he's a well-mannered guy, and his speed and stamina is what earned him the nickname. Iran's a cool lady. She said having soccer kids and moving from country to country makes them sort of lonely, but that's part of the deal, innit?

I have to say, Hulk gave Chile that goal to tie it up in the 1-1 win Brazil eeked out a week ago. That was a huge mistake on his part, but then the goal he scored that was disallowed was pretty amazing afterwards. The announcer was quick to point out that he was trying to make up for the goal he gave away, but what was he going to do if he hadn't given the goal away- not play hard and not try to score? The guy has serious wheels, and he can kick. He started out playing for Vitoria in Brazil, then he played for a bunch of teams in Japan, scoring a massive amount of goals for Consadole Sapporo (25) and Tokyo Verdy (37!). He then moved on to Porto, the Primeira League team in Portugal, scoring a bunch more there, and now he's on Zenit in St. Pete's. To be honest, I didn't know Japan really liked soccer all that much, but they must if they're shelling out the cash for good players. I'm still not really understanding how international soccer contracts work, what with the fees and buyouts and loaning players, but we'll assume the 100 million Euro buyout for his contract at Porto in 2009 means he's a serious talent.

He had a strong showing against Colombia a few days ago. In fact, the whole team bounced back. One other quick thing about Mr. Hulk is one of his sisters was kidnapped and returned unharmed. I'm going to assume they paid the kidnappers a boatload of cash. South America can be a kidnappy place sometimes.