Soccer Wives and Girlfriends (WAGS)

03/19/15 (Updated)

Sydney Leroux's husband Don Dwyer

UPDATE 02/15/2015 After a private ceremony in January, Dom Dwyer is now Sydney LeRoux's husband.

The couple took to social media to announce the nuptials. Sydney took to Twitter, posting pictures of the couple with the following captions:

What do you do when you meet someone who has seen the best of you, the worst of you and chooses both?

You Marry Him.

LeRoux talked about their decision with People Magazine, saying: “Juggling our careers and relationship is very difficult, which is why we decided to wed privately in January. We wanted to announce our marriage at an appropriate time when we were together and at a time that suited our families. We also wanted to make sure that we told all of our close friends and teammates before we announced it publicly."

Congratulations to the happy couple.

Dom Dwyer is a lucky man. Being Sydney Leroux's boyfriend is an amazing feat, as the woman makes me stutter like Foghorn Leghorn. This is another one of those incredible couples that would probably make you feel like you're in the presence of super heroes if you were hanging out with them. Much more attractive and good-looking super heroes. They're both professional soccer players, they both look like movie stars, and they're both well-behaved and good-humored. You can't not like them. If you met them at a party or function or something, I promise you would like them.

Dom's girlfriend Sydney is an Olympic Gold medalist forward, and she's on the Seattle Reign but currently playing for the US Women's World Cup Team. When I saw pictures of her on the field, I thought she just looked like a normal woman playing soccer, but it's amazing how she transforms into movie star mode when she's off the field. Okay enough about her looks-- I actually also find her sense of humor is pretty sharp. I particularly liked her video of a dance party on a boat where she panned all around and then put the camera on herself with a sad face because she didn't have anyone to dance with. I also really enjoyed a picture she put up of a closeup of a couple in bed that said "I don't want their relationship. I want their eyebrows." She should talk to Leveon Bell's girlfriend Mercedes Dollson.

Dom Dwyer himself is shorter than I would have thought. He's 5'9" and not, you know, 6'1" or whatever the ideal height is. Other than that, it's hard to find flaws in the guy unless you happen to be Lionel Messi, in which case you would see a whole host of flaws in his soccer game that would probably go undetected by mere mortals such as myself. Dom plays for the MLS team Sporting Kansas City, and he scored the winning goal for his team to take the MLS Cup against Houston. Dwyer's girlfriend Sydney seems like a great match for him.

03/19/15 (Updated)

Mario Gotze's Girlfriend Ann Kathrin Brommel

Mario Gotze's girlfriend Ann Kathrin Brommel is very German and very hot. She's a model and professional social media photo uploader. She's also been known to hit the gym and pass on a cake or ten. Some of her shots look a little skeletal, but blame that on society. She's a lovely girl.

So who is Mario Gotze? He is the man that won the World Cup for Germany. His golden foot booted the winning goal at the 113th minute of the absolutely amazing match that was Argentina versus Germany. I watched the entire thing, and it was nail-biting and action-packed. Argentina had plenty of chances to score. The ball just didn't want to get in the net, and when it did get in the net it was very clearly an off-sides. I wish they had shown Putin's reactions to the close calls more though. I wonder if human emotions show through that botox blanket he calls a face.

Germany's march to victory also marked the end of the Klose era, a reign of goal-scoring that set the record for most goals all-time in the World Cup at 16. Having played in four World Cups is very rare. No one thinks that even the best players like Messi and Neymar will be able to play in four of them. The stars have got to align, and you've got to be extremely durable. Having started at the age of 20 in his first World Cup, Miroslave is now 36. A standing ovation for him as he walked off the field was sure to come from all the villages, towns, and cities in the Rhineland.

Gotze is widely regarded as one of the best players in Germany if not the world. He plays for Bayern Munich (one of the top teams in the Bundesliga) and has scored 10 goals in just 27 appearance for them. Prior to playing for Bayern, he played in 83 games for Borussia Dortmund and scored 22 goals.

03/19/15 (Updated)

Tim Howard's Girlfriend Nora Segura

Yes, we've covered two other ladies that Tim Howard has both been married to and dated, and this is our third. Timmy's got to feed the hunger, and what better time than right after setting the record for most shots stopped in a World Cup match? Tim Howard's girlfriend Nora Segura is a hot mod with a hot bod. What else do you need when you're a rockstar on vacation in Brazil, I ask? He's not looking for a soulmate. He's looking to live the life of Daniel-San in any of the Karate Kid movies. You go to a big tournament, you get a new hot babe, you catch flies with chopsticks. In Tim's case, he catches soccer balls with weird gloves.

Nora posts videos on her Twitter, and you can watch them yourself to get a sense of her. She's very sweet, but she's dreadfully boring on these videos as she doesn't have much to say. If this were some schmo talking on the videos, you'd turn it off in seconds, but since it's a really beautiful woman who keeps running her fingers through her Rapunzel-like hair, you keep watching. The running the fingers through the hair thing is a little weird too-- she never stops doing it, and it starts to look like a sick, compulsive habit. It's the kind of boring that is totally acceptable if you're waiting around to be swept off your feet by an athlete. In a June video, Nora tells us she's rooting for Spain because her dad's Spanish, in a January video, she shows us what's inside her fridge so we can be "naturally beautiful," and in another video she shares some tweets about things "you'd never want to hear." There's a few really disgusting vines she's added of her making out with her dog, but I suppose the point was to draw more attention to herself, and in that she succeeded because we're talking about her. I keep imagining what all these videos would be like if it were a 400-pound, balding, 55 year-old woman doing and saying the exact same things, but with the same melodious voice that Nora has. It'd be a trip.

I wonder if Tim watched any of these videos, and if so, what were his actual thoughts? Competitive athletes generally aren't known for their piercing insights, but it's a possibility Tim thought, "Okay, well she's certainly attractive, seems fairly sweet, definitely self-obsessed, not saying anything to capture my imagination, but her temperament appears agreeable, and I think I could get a date with her."