Media Wives and Girlfriends (WAGS)

09/24/14

Bill Simmons' Wife Kari Simmons

 

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Bill Simmons' wife Kari Simmons keeps a low image profile on the internet but a high word profile writing wacky articles on it. I've been reading some of Kari's articles, and they veer into all sorts of territories. She's opinionated, and she's also pretty funny.

One good example of Bill Simmons' wife Kari being funny is how she describes his relationship with his sports geek friend, Hench. In one article, she explains how they "own a fake baseball team together." She says they talk so much on the phone and in such an annoying way that she made him get a special phone line that is dedicated strictly for him and his friend to talk about sports. She calls it the "bat phone." She also calls their fantasy league partnership the "league of dorks." No, Kari does not pull any punches. She explains how listening to them talk is like being in a nail salon and suddenly having to listen to a bunch of the nail ladies freak out and start screaming in another language.

Bill's wife Kari also enjoys being highly critical of the show The Bachelor, which is something I have in common with her. She explains that she and her friend have developed a show as an alternative to The Bachelor called "The Hot Homeless," and it's all basically the same premise as The Bachelor except the contestant is a good-looking homeless guy that gets to pick his princess from 25 girls because he'd actually appreciate her. Then she comes to the conclusion that he'd just dump her after the show and try to climb the social ladder of Hollywood. Having never been to Los Angeles, I have no idea if the homeless folks of Los Angeles are attractive, but I agree with her about changing the premise of The Bachelor to give more normal guys a chance at scoring some hot tail. Kari Simmons is an idea gal.

09/19/14

Mike Tirico's Wife Debbie Tirico

 

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Mike Tirico's wife Debbie Tirico might be the only woman who knew him in the 1990's that still likes him. I know what you're thinking: Mike Tirico? How could you say such a thing about this congenial, ultra-pro broadcaster? Nope, according to everyone who worked for ESPN in the 90's, Tirico was the opposite of a pro. I'm talking big time sexual harassment. Such was the corporate culture of ESPN in the 90's. I'll get to that in just a moment...

First, let's get it straight about Debbie Tirico, the wife of Mike. She seems like a good person. She attends benefits and charity events (as the good sports wife handbook clearly iterates every sports wife must do). I kid, of course, there is no such book, but attending charity events is certainly a pattern among the good eggs in the world of sports wives. Also, calling Debbie a sports wife is sort of a stretch, as Mike really, really doesn't look like he could hang with anyone on the gridiron.

I wonder how Mike's wife reacted when Michael Freeman revealed what he did at a party shortly after his hiring. He'd been working at ESPN a year, and at a get-together at somebody's house he approached some hot chick and hit on her. She flatly rebuffed him and then told him to "fuck off" after he kept chasing her around the party. When the time came to leave, 'ole Mikey boy forced her to stop her car, reached inside the car and grabbed her between her legs! Holy jumpin' shitballs, Mike. You're lucky that woman didn't dropkick your pudgy butt across the driveway! I say that because there was another incident in which a different woman who'd been terrorized by Slimy Mike told him to his face that she would "kick his ass if he ever did that again." Seriously, what does Debbie Tirico say about these stories? "That's my Mikey!" Queue goofy sitcom laugh track.

09/19/14 (Updated)

Chris Berman's Wife Kathy Berman

 

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Let's get Bermanized! Say what you want, but there is only one BermDog. Chris Berman's wife Kathy Berman has just got to let it ride. In other words, let Berman be Berman. I can't help but be curious about the nature of this relationship. This couple has been together for a long, long time. They were married in 1983 (when I was born). Berman is notoriously volatile, and some would say his these-guys-have-all-the-fun style extends into the realm of Ladyland. In so many words, he's no angel.

By all accounts, Kathy Berman is a kind woman and loving mother. Their daughter Meredith is herself a lovely young woman. She reportedly works at a low-level job for the New England Patriots, prompting some to speculate (wrongly) that Berman favors the Patriots. There was a small media scoff surrounding Berman's ability to get a Tom Brady interview and the potential conflict of interest because Meredith works for the Patriots, but that's frankly nonsense. Tom Brady is not exactly JD Salinger. The guy gives interviews. Chris's wife Kathy is likely very happy her daughter works for the Patriots organization- great group of people that they are.

Now, I don't want to start taking easy hacks at Kathy's man here. That's like swinging a katana in a watermelon field. The man has got stories stacked on top of stories, and even Chris' wife Kathy must partly want the "you're with me, leather" story to be true. I mean, come on. The Berm walks into a bar, utters the infamous line, and the lady is instantly stolen away from a would-be suitor. If Bermdog hadn't found himself in the center of the sportscasting world, he would've made a fine used car salesman and part-time bar frequenter. Recently, of course, Berman tried to "weigh in" on the Ray Rice fiasco, but the blocking of a punt interrupted his ramblings.