In the world of low-stakes sports reporting, finding out a little gem like the one about Larry English’s girlfriend Nicole Williams is always odd. It was reported by Larry Brown Sports that Nicole folds Larry’s underwear. What an odd, stupid thing to report on. Larry, do you have a mother complex, perhaps? Or maybe Nicole just digs folding underwear. Imagine if the question came up out of the blue from the paparazzi or whoever asked it, without context. “You’re looking real nice today, Nicole, what are you up to today? Oh, that’s cool; do you fold Larry English’s underwear by chance?” Weird stuff comes out of peoples’ mouths when they’re talking to women as hot as Nicole.
Well let’s get to the thing I’ve become obsessed with recently- the pre-draft measurables. Now, I know- Larry has been in the league for quite some time, but I wouldn’t be talking about this if there weren’t something to talk about. First off, he scored a 34 on the Wonderlic test. He’s a linebacker, folks. He’s supposed to be a drone hunter-killer, not a strategic wiz. For those of you who forgot, the Wonderlic test is supposed to tell people how good someone is at problem solving. Secondly, the dude jumped 36 inches for his vertical test. He’s 6’2″ and 255 pounds. What a monster. Imagine me, a 5’9″ 160 pound guy, walking up to Larry English and telling him to his face that he has a mother complex. Maybe if I was wearing full protective NFL gear. I’d still get multiple bones broken, but it’d be less messy. I wouldn’t sue him either; I know I had it coming.
I have to say: Nicole Williams is legit model material. Very beautiful woman. When you used to hear the word “model” in the late 80’s (not 90’s because of the weird grunge girl craze that happened in conjunction with grunge music taking over everyone’s soul) this is the woman you would picture. Just a legitimately beautiful woman. She has the classy air about her too. Larry English knows he’s lucky.