Joe Haden’s wife Sarah Haden changed her last name to his, as is the custom here for some reason. Seems arbitrary but whatever. Her former last name was Mahmoodshahi, which is way cooler sounding than Haden. It’s pronounced “Mahk-mood-shah-hee” as compared to “Hay-din.” No offense to Joe, but that’s a trade-down.
Sarah and Joe were recently featured on one of those garish Wedding magazines for their wedding. It featured 19,000 square feet of white carpet (donated to Habitat for Humanity afterwards), cotton-candy martinis (barf) and strawberry Collins (gross) were the featured drinks. Joe wore gold shoes because he likes to show off. Haden is a solid player and got selected for the Pro Bowl last year after his 43 tackles and 4 interceptions. He got suspended for four games and four game checks for testing positive for Adderall. The suspension will cost him $1.356 million. Now what the heck was he doing with Adderall– studying game footage into the wee hours of the night? Does Adderall help you lift weights now? I don’t get it. Haden’s wikipedia page is confusing when it comes to his pre-draft measurables because it has him down as a 4.69 in the 40-yard dash, and then it says that he ran 4.57 and disappointed the scouts. Well which was it? It’s then cleared up that Joe had a bad back that day and later ran a 4.43 time on another “pro day.” Still doesn’t beat Champ Bailey’s 4.29 time, Joe, and let’s not even start with Bo Jackson’s 4.12. I don’t know why I get so caught up with these 40-yard dash numbers every time, but Bo Jackson is a machine.
So here’s to hoping Sarah enjoys her life in Strongsville, Ohio in the lap of luxury as Joe pulls in $67.5 million over the next five years. The Browns have said they’re paying him like he’s the best cornerback in football.