Today we’re going to talk about one thing: Derrick Henry’s girlfriend (and his lack thereof).
Listen, guys: we’re always here to help out collegiate football players who never asked for help to begin with. That’s just part of being a true PlayerWives chatterbox such as myself. And right now, ladies and gentleman, a young man by the name of Derrick Henry has courageously reached out and asked for guidance from the lords of the athletes’ girlfriends and wives.
I need a Girlfriend .
— Derrick Henry (@KingHenry_2) June 30, 2012
Yes folks, way back in 2012, Derrick Henry said that he needed a girlfriend, and to the best of our knowledge he is still girlfriendless. Well, young man, you are in a heap of luck because today we are going to personally recommend some lovely young ladies whom we think you might like to romantically pursue. Every Heisman winner should have someone special to show off their Heisman Trophy too, am I not wrong? Derrick Henry’s girlfriend are the mission, and here is what I’ve come up with…
Number one, Derrick Henry’s girlfriend needs to be someone who understands the fine art of posting lions onto a social media page. This has become a regular thing for football players because they see the lion as a symbol of strength and dominance. Well have I got a lady to introduce to you! Derrick, meet Chantel Jeffries! Not only has she been spotted hanging out with past Heisman winner Johnny Manziel, but she’s dated DeSean Jackson and Kevin Durant! She knows all about the whole weird lion-picture posting thing! Boy are you a lucky chap– what would you do without our expertise? Chantel was also in the Lamborghini that Justin Bieber was driving when he got pulled over by cops and was, you know, annoying everyone. I mean, this chick’s got some stories. So hopefully you’ll end her seemingly perma-single lifestyle and eventually put a ring on her finger. Good luck, and god bless!
Another good option for Derrick Henry would be Ellen Kraemer! She is quite possibly the hottest blonde next door of the year. She’s everything a down-home fishing type looks for, and she’s impossible to turn away from– like a great golden statue at the pinnacle of a mysterious monolith. One problem: she’s kinda dating Noah Syndergaard, but buddyyyyy– the Mets lost. If you happen to win the Heisman, your stock is up, and I mean up! She’s not the type to just get bored and leave the guy, so you’ll have to go all out and, you know, pull an Eric Clapton and somehow romance her away from Noah, but it can be done!